Gum in the Urinal — A Modern Horror Story

Mr. Curmudgeon Rants

You know what proves some people are truly terrible? Gum in urinals. That’s right — chewed-up, slobbery gum just sitting there like it belongs. Spoiler: it doesn’t. It doesn’t flush, it doesn’t dissolve, and someone — a real human being — has to reach in and scrape it out by hand.

Why? Why would anyone do this? It’s not a trash can. It’s not a chew-and-shoot contest. It’s a urinal. And yet, every time I walk into a public restroom, there it is — a wad of Juicy Fruit mocking both plumbing and humanity.

There’s no excuse for it. It’s not laziness — it’s next-level inconsiderate. The same type of jerk who parks across two spaces or leaves their shopping cart in the middle of the lot. Society is hanging by a thread, and that thread is apparently stuck to the bottom of a urinal.

To whoever’s doing this: you’re the reason we can’t have clean restrooms or faith in mankind. Please, for the love of janitors everywhere — find a trash can. Or better yet, chew with purpose and dignity.

Some humans, man. Just the worst.

Entrance Exams For Middle Schools

Mr. Curmudgeon Parenting, Rants

Despite being just a decade old, the Mini-Yin took his first entrance exam this morning. Our school district has magnet schools that require prospective students to apply. Each application necessitates teacher recommendations, the release of state-wide standardized tests, a transcript, and an on-site exam. One school even mandates a take-home essay.

At age ten, my biggest school concern revolved around the events for track and field day. Applying to a school would be seven years away. I just attended the middle and high schools that the other kids in my neighborhood attended. Life seemed simpler.

Furniture Assembly Isn’t Just for IKEA

Mr. Curmudgeon Rants

I’ve assembled my fair share of IKEA furniture. Flat-packed pre-drilled particle boards with picture-only instructions have sucked tens of hours out of my life. The thought of assembling the IKEA Kura Reversible Bed again fills me with more dread than waiting in a long porta-potty line while suffering from gastro-intestinal issues.

Today, I lost 3 hours of my life unpacking and assemblying the Nantucket Natural Pantry for mom. I should have deduced that furniture arriving in boxes requires assembly—a lot of assembly. It took almost 30 minutes just to unpack and unwrap all the pieces. The assembly featured some backward steps on my part after realizing I had locked in the carcass without some key boards.

Nevertheless, I managed to wrangle this beast. I will admit there was a decent sense of fulfillment in converting pre-drilled boards and hardware into storage furniture. Most importantly, mom liked the result.