Gum in the Urinal — A Modern Horror Story

Mr. Curmudgeon Rants

You know what proves some people are truly terrible? Gum in urinals. That’s right — chewed-up, slobbery gum just sitting there like it belongs. Spoiler: it doesn’t. It doesn’t flush, it doesn’t dissolve, and someone — a real human being — has to reach in and scrape it out by hand.

Why? Why would anyone do this? It’s not a trash can. It’s not a chew-and-shoot contest. It’s a urinal. And yet, every time I walk into a public restroom, there it is — a wad of Juicy Fruit mocking both plumbing and humanity.

There’s no excuse for it. It’s not laziness — it’s next-level inconsiderate. The same type of jerk who parks across two spaces or leaves their shopping cart in the middle of the lot. Society is hanging by a thread, and that thread is apparently stuck to the bottom of a urinal.

To whoever’s doing this: you’re the reason we can’t have clean restrooms or faith in mankind. Please, for the love of janitors everywhere — find a trash can. Or better yet, chew with purpose and dignity.

Some humans, man. Just the worst.

Amazon Is Taking Over

Mr. Curmudgeon Tech

Most people assume that Google or Facebook will become self-aware and fulfill the dystopian prophecy of the Terminator series. Self-awareness, however, always remains a half century away. What appears achieveable in my lifetime is Orwell’s 1984 dystopia. Google and Facebook are playing the roles of Big Brother and the Thought Police nicely.

Not be to be left out of this party is Amazon, my dark horse in the race to take over our lives. While amazon.com began life selling books online, its vision has always been grander. However, I’m not sure even Jeff Bezos foresaw the rise of AWS. This New York Times article on the Ring doorbell contains an ominous quote:

In Ring, Amazon has something like a self-marketing machine: Amazon customers using Amazon cameras to watch Amazon contractors deliver Amazon packages. A video posted by Kathy Ouma of Middletown, Del., shows a happy deliveryman accepting snacks on her porch. An Amazon logo is plainly visible on the side of his truck. The Ring watermark hovers in the corner of the screen. The video, posted on Facebook, garnered more than 11 million views.

Amazon has silently infiltrated our lives. We even invite them in.

Ken Jennings Is The GOAT

Mr. Curmudgeon Winning

The Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time event crowned Ken Jennings as its GOAT. Jennings defeated James Holzhauer and Brad Rutter in a battle that featured the three greatest human Jeopardy! champions. Judging by the scores, I’m not sure that Brad even showed up. Jennings won the $1M prize, while Holzhauer and Rutter received $250k each.

Besides their quick reflexes and ability to recall facts, these contestants displayed a refreshing cameraderie often absent on Jeopardy! Mostly, it’s because contestants do not have the opportunity to get acquainted. The three champions were playful, congratulatory, and congenial.

The contestants also have uncommon jobs. Holzhauer is a sports gambler, Jennings is programmer turned author, and Rutter is a career gameshow contestant. I didn’t realize that gameshow contestant was a viable career choice. The trio also displayed a lot of warmth toward Alex Trebek, who amazingly has been hosting the show since 1984. What a run. I hope he continues hosting for a long time.

Entrance Exams For Middle Schools

Mr. Curmudgeon Parenting, Rants

Despite being just a decade old, the Mini-Yin took his first entrance exam this morning. Our school district has magnet schools that require prospective students to apply. Each application necessitates teacher recommendations, the release of state-wide standardized tests, a transcript, and an on-site exam. One school even mandates a take-home essay.

At age ten, my biggest school concern revolved around the events for track and field day. Applying to a school would be seven years away. I just attended the middle and high schools that the other kids in my neighborhood attended. Life seemed simpler.

John Cena Is A Real Life Superhero

Mr. Curmudgeon Inspiration

John Cena has granted over 600 wishes for the Make a Wish Foundation. For that achievement alone, I consider him a superhero. From the man himself:

If you ever need me for this ever, I don’t care what I’m doing, I will drop what I’m doing and be involved because I think that’s the coolest thing. We’ve all experienced that joy of giving a gift for the holidays where you just nail it — that’s the same gift I get in giving back to people’s lives, in being able to give them wonderful emotional moments.

Cena currently holds the record for the greatest number of wishes granted through the foundation. He continues to add to that total.

Matt Harding’s 2008 Dancing Video

Mr. Curmudgeon Inspiration

Matt Harding’s 2008 video showing him dancing with people all across the world brought joy to tens of millions. In looking over a now defunct blog, I rediscovered this internet treasure.

Here is the video in all of its glory:

Where the Hell is Matt? 2008

Matt’s joy while dancing badly (his own words) is palpable. While his movements emulate a flailing chicken, his infectious smile highlights every scene. My favorite scenes are the ones featuring young children and unique landscapes. I’m pretty sure one of Matt’s favorites is experiencing zero gravity at Nellis Airspace in Nevada. What a treat.

I also love the soundtrack. I can’t imagine another one accompanying this video. Thank you, Matt. Thank you for sharing this video in 2008 and thank you for keeping it around for me to enjoy in 2020. It has aged marvelously.

    I Hate My Son’s Music

    Mr. Curmudgeon Parenting

    The Mini-Yin is only a decade old, but his music choices already suck. I guess almost every parent marvels at how the cacophony emanating from their children’s rooms can be considered music. The Mini-Yin mostly indulges in video game soundtracks. It’s like having electronica looped endlessly.

    Unlike the days of tapes, CDs, or even mp3 players, today kids merely request the songs they want from a smart speaker. There’s no media to deal with. They essentially have an infinite jukebox at their disposal—though I’m sure they’ve never operated nor even seen a jukebox. In case you’re too young to know what one looks like, here it is:

    Given the world’s knowledge at his fingertips, the Mini-Yin elects to watch YouTube videos about memes. Afforded the world’s largest collection of music, he chooses the creations of someone named SharaX.

    Furniture Assembly Isn’t Just for IKEA

    Mr. Curmudgeon Rants

    I’ve assembled my fair share of IKEA furniture. Flat-packed pre-drilled particle boards with picture-only instructions have sucked tens of hours out of my life. The thought of assembling the IKEA Kura Reversible Bed again fills me with more dread than waiting in a long porta-potty line while suffering from gastro-intestinal issues.

    Today, I lost 3 hours of my life unpacking and assemblying the Nantucket Natural Pantry for mom. I should have deduced that furniture arriving in boxes requires assembly—a lot of assembly. It took almost 30 minutes just to unpack and unwrap all the pieces. The assembly featured some backward steps on my part after realizing I had locked in the carcass without some key boards.

    Nevertheless, I managed to wrangle this beast. I will admit there was a decent sense of fulfillment in converting pre-drilled boards and hardware into storage furniture. Most importantly, mom liked the result.

    MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference

    Mr. Curmudgeon Sports

    The 14th annual MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference will be held in Boston, MA on March 6-7, 2020. I have never been more excited to attend a gathering of like minded people. This is the first out-of-town conference I will attending. Moreover, I’m attending as a representative of Velomatrix LLC.

    The intersection of sports, data, and analysis is this geek’s dream. This reminds me of the Steve Jobs quote:

    … technology alone is not enough—it’s technology married with liberal arts, married with the humanities, that yields us the results that make our heart sing.

    Mrs. Principled Curmudgeon asked why I’m attending this conference. I can’t imagine not attending was my reply.

      Screen Time: The Ultimate Currency

      Mr. Curmudgeon Parenting

      Screen time is the most valuable currency at my disposal for motivating the Mini-Yin. I dangle the screen time carrot for excellent grades, good behavior, or even chores. Screen time’s value eclipses anything else I can offer. That includes cold hard cash.

      We have a number of arrangements for extra screen time. They include activities that raise his heartbeat like walking, biking, situps, and pushups. The screen time carrot is exceptionally effective in getting homework and dinner-time chores completed with minimal complaints. I hope to have another powerful lever to wield as screen time’s value decreases.